June 8th, 2003

Well my friends, summer is here. I know you guys have been busy swimming and sweating, but I'm sure you've got time to read some nice juicy letters. Keep writing us.

Keep e-mailing us at sillychillyman@myself.com. We love hearing from you.

Andy writes: oh no myy spel chik browk help meee

Ice replies: I can't.

Jeff writes: Nice page. I'm looking for some summer work, and I wonder if you need any staff members for the site?

Ice replies: We do, and we don't. If you'd like to become a staff member, e-mail me like Jeff here did, and we'll talk about it.

Link Æwondåslåmon writes: I am Link Evilslayer, the greatest warrior of the world! I'm married to Princess Zelda of Hyrule, and if anyone even as much as touch her I'll be sure that you will taste the steel of my Magic Sword!

PS: Hey, Chaz. How'd you menage to screw up the Deku Tree. I tried, but ended up screwing Lord Jabu-Jabu instead.

Ice replies: First of all, no one wants to taste the steel of your "magic sword". Second of all, Chaz isn't here right now. Third, next time you screw Jabu-Jabu, I hope you drown.

Andrea writes: Do you think they're ever going to make a Mario Kart or a Smash Brothers with only Zelda characters?

Ice replies: Probably not. Smash Bros. featured 4 different Zelda characters, as well as two different Zelda levels, 3 different Zelda songs, several Zelda trophies, some Zelda items, three different Zelda enemies, and a little dungeon based on Zelda. As for the new Mario Kart, I don't know anything about it.

But I doubt that we'll ever get a game like that with only Zelda characters.

Drefan Rahl writes: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Release Date: TBA 2004

Studio: Screen Gems (Sony)

Director: Alexander Witt

Screenwriter: Paul Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Eric Mabius

Genre: Action, Horror

Plot Summary: In the conclusion of the first film, Alice (Jovovich) emerges from the Umbrella Corporation research lab into an apocalyptic Raccoon City, where the walking zombies known as the Undead have taken over. She picks up a shotgun and prepares to fight evil yet again, and the story continues.

Milla Jovovich and Eric Mabius (Matt Addison) return in the sequel. Addison, who was himself infected with the virus that causes humans to develop into zombies, becomes the villain of the sequel.

Blah...This movie is going to be crap; I can smell it already. Paul Anderson has proven through his enormous failures (from an artistic standpoint rather than monetary) that he couldn't write an original, compelling story if his life depended on it. The first Resident Evil stunk for many reasons not the least of which being that it had almost nothing of the atmosphere of the Resident Evil games; this of course being a hoakey, fun, frequently disgusting, sometimes frightening homage to just about every B zombiefilm ever made. In practice, the games were survival horror in which you were pitted against monsters, corrupt humans, and other obstacles for your very life and with only your limited supply of healing supplies and weapons to see you through.

Firstly, while I think Milla Jovovich is a respectable actress, her portrayal of Alice was bland and uninteresting. Of course, this wasn't completely her fault, the script simply didn't provide the room for growth that even the heavily cliched and hoakey horror games make room for. Couple that up with her Matrix-esque fight sequences with the zombie hounds, and you have a recipe for a completely unlikable protagonist. And, yes, I know that the games' characters were all cliched and unoriginal, but at least they were based off of popular horror movie chars and were limited to only the use of their weapons thanks to the laws of physics and normal weaknesses that afflict the rest of the human race.

Of course, the protagonist wasn't the only problem. The movie introduced a whole squad of special forces people that served absolutely no purpose (including Michelle as much as it pains me to say so) but to curse, bitch at one another, and die. Seriously, aside from Michelle turning into a zombie and taking a bullet in the head during the climax, what purpose did she or any of the other characters in the movie truly serve other than to provide a fancy escort for Milla into the bowels of the Umbrella factory? Most of the squad had no personality and died in as unimaginative ways as their brief and uninteresting chars deserved. In fact, the problems the squad faced were mirrored by all of the characters due to the fact that absolutely nothing of importance happened after the opening sequence. The "heroes" enter the mansion, they turn off the computer system (but don't forget that they turn it back on thus rendering their one action of any importance null), they fight zombies, most die, and then the remaining two get away on a train with absolutely nothing to show for their actions other than a few dead zombies and one dead monster; at least in the other Resident Evils there were consequences for the char's actions (in the first one, the mansion is destroyed, in the second one the underground facilities are destroyed, in the third one Raccoon City is nuked, etc, etc)

The whole movie wasn't bad though, there were some decent parts. I still flip to it at parts when it comes on HBO now, but only for two scenes: the first being when Michelle Rodriguez unloads a clip on the first zombie in the movie ("bitch isn't moving now" was the best line in the movie and delivered perfectly) and the second being the climax on the train (again, thanks largely to Michelle). But make no mistake, the best part of this movie franchise (as it seems to be turning into) died with Michelle's character. She what was good in the movie on her own back, single handedly delivering all of the good one liners, providing at least one good guy that gave us a reason to cheer, and generally staying within the guidelines of a true Resident Evil character through the delivery of her lines and her demeanour throughout the movie. Without her, the movie would have been completely and utterly souless and more importantly, bland.

With Paul Anderson continuing to write the series, you're going to see more dead conversations, unrealistic hand to hand combat, and hollow, unimpressive plots. I believe that first Resident Evil was a below average movie, and that the next one will be an absolutely terrible one. Of course, (in the words of Dennis Miller) thats just my opinion, I could be wrong.

And completely off topic....Celda on Gamecube sucked.

Ice replies: Nice letter. Can't say that I read it though.

Ice: You thought you were going to read about Zelda, but instead you read about Resident Evil. It's a surprise a minute here at Zelda Spirit.

Have something to say? E-mail the editor at sillychillyman@myself.com. We'll probably print your letter. We'll print anything.