July 31st, 1998
Navie: Welcome to MY letters column! After much pleading, Ice let me do a letters section all by myself! So get ready for explosive action from NAVIE'S Zelda Central!!! And now, on with the show!
Zar333 writes: I heard a rumor of a fourth triforce piece. Any info on it?
Navie: Who told you! Last time I almost spilled the beans, Miyamato's thugs almost sniped me from the roof of the Batcave! I guess the turth is circulating out there now, so I'm allowed to tell all I know. Yes, I'll admit it, it's true. There is a fourth Triforce piece. and it's called the Power of Fairies, also, and Navie will be able to find it and use it to give Link a sex change! Oh, how could you let this slip to the world? No! Our lives are ruined! The secret ending to the most anticipated game has been revealed! How could Nintendo of America let this happen?!
O1FJ writes: How do you save in Zelda ( The First one ) ? If you know, please e-mail me back with the answer. Thanks
Navie: Can you say "stupid"? E-Mail you with the answer? I'll do better than that, taco-breath, I'll publish your idiotic letter for the whole world to see, you flea-brained, purple monkey! When you die, you click on the freakin' word SAVE! How hard can that be, even for a moron like you?! Go chase a car!
Bark12 writes: huge blank space ...lifted?? up there? in sky?
Navie: Can you say "CLAR-I-FI-CA-TION"? Or even pronounce it?
SCNWO writes: Check out the new opinions page at zhq. When the staff replies about their favorite Zelda game, more than one say that they haven't even owned or played several games in the series. What kind of cr*p is that? They expect us to go to their Zelda site, when they haven't even played all of the games. From now on, I'm only coming to your site.
Navie:Yes! This is my kind of guy! Power to Navie's Zelda Central (ahem, ICE'S Zelda Central). That is just plain pathetic that the Zelda Headquarters staff hasn't even played half of the games in the series. I mean, how can you run a Zelda site if you haven't played the games? It's only because of pitiful viewers that send them all of their information that they even exist. That's like me trying to make a website on "The Inner Mysteries of Cow Poop". Not gonna happen. But with Ice, he's played and beaten all of the games practically with his eyes closed and several times each... it's sort of like Jimmy making a website about corn: perfectly suited for him... or Bill Clinton making a site about "100 Ways to Have Fun in the White House". Zelda Headquarters is truly a disgrace.
George_134 writes: Navie, I make you out to be harsh at people during the letters and in your responses. I think it would behoove you to lighten up a little.
Navie: George, I make you out to be stupid! I think it would behoove you to shut up!
Hamm writes: What do you know about corn? I think corn is really good!
Navie: What do you know about intelligence? NOTHING! I wish people would just shut their idiotic mouths about corn! I HATE CORN! This is Ice's ZELDA Central, not Ice's CORN Central! If I get one more e-mail about corn, I am personally going to rip out that person's tonsils with my bare hands, and if they don't have tonsils, I'll light their hair on fire and throw them to Hanson!
Irma writes: navie rulz, man! i think navie should run this website instead of ice! navie is totally awesome! navie rulz! im going to start the official navie fan club! navie is the best zelda person in the universe!
Navie says: Finally, someone sees things MY WAY! Yes, the world would be a perfect place if I ran it. And I guess I'll have to settle for Ice's Zelda Central. Today, the letters section, tomorrow, THE WORLD!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Reassuring Message From Ice: Don't worry, I won't be leaving Navie in charge of the Letters for a LONG time, so feel free to send in your e-mails, and don't be afraid of ridicule. Navie's just a stuffed up "wanna-be" with nothing better to do than slam people to make herself feel better. And thus endeth another Letters section (and quite an edition it was)...