By Ultima9999

Potatoes are GOOD. People EAT potatoes. The french LIKE potatoes, despite the fact that AMERICA likes POTATOES. French fries are GOOD.

That is, until you eat GREEN potatoes that grow legs, and gain stupid little eyes. These stupid little ***** live in Hyrule and Koholint, where they walk around, and contribute to the overall homosexual bitmap world IT LIVES IN! A study, recently conducted by really smart people that I've never heard of, shows that the homosexual factor in such games were at least 5 points less than games which contained gay potatoes.

This was probably due to the fact that the potatoes were, indeed, homosexual. This evidence is found when you get them stoned. Giving them crack cocaine makes these guys so trippy that they put on some weird-*** 70's glasses and start saying **** in some weird hippie language. At first, I thought that they were spreading love and peace, but when they started passing around literature with gay paraphenalia, I was disgusted, and refused. While I was walking out the door, I swear to god that one of those ******* called my mom fat.

Therefore, I have started a "Let's keep our streets straight" campaign. This campaign, in compliance with Paragraph 4, Subsection B, will allow supporters to do whatever the **** they want, to do whatever the **** they want to stop this problem. We can take back our streets from stupid potato ****.


[Editor's Note: As always, Ultima's opinions are not necessarily those of IZC, its fans, or its lackeys. The next time that Ultima has a severe caffeine overdose...we'll keep him away from his keyboard!]