What HTLOZ Staff Members Do in their Spare Time

By Maniacal Clown and Ultima9999

Apparently Hyrule: The Land of Zelda doesn't update much anymore (I wouldn't know. I haven't gone to the main site since they went commercial on us...) so one of the staff members, Ultiama9999, decided it would be a good idea to send me his Easter Special that never got posted by the HTLoZ demi-god, Falco-X. Although his motives seem unclear, I will treat it as any other fan submission, with one exception. I will leave the initial paragraph that was meant for my eyes only in the hope that it will spark some much needed intrigue. Gee, don't I feel evil... The following is the e-mail I received from Ultima9999. Some words have been edited for public viewing.

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This Easter Special never got put on HTLoZ (go figure.) Since you update often, mind putting it up? If you find it too...strange...please remember that I wore my pants when I wrote this (it'd be worse without them.) If you want some more editorials, just drop me a line. Unfortuantely, Falco has a little different ideas about running a site, you know, big update every couple of years.

I hate bunnies. You hate bunnies. We all hate bunnies. Even Link hate bunnies. Bunnies are bad. Why are bunnies bad? Your pal Ultima's gonna tell you why.

Bunnies are actually from the dark side. You see, that stupid Running Man, he's a dark side wannabe. The reason why Link can't beat him is because he uses his evil bunny powers and *bam* he's there. He never has to leave the tent. Another thing..why hasn't he aged? He still looks like a middle-aged ***** that he was 7 years ago. How do you think he managed to do that?


That's right. It's like being attacked by a bunch of Ricky Martin housewives. It's just evil.

Another thing...who do you think is making this whole conflict in Mujula's Mask? I just can't accept the fact that the moon has suddenly been jostled out of its orbit by an increase in the earth's mass. Well, I've got the best explanation for that phenomenon.


They're all in their little pentagram, praying to the Devil-Bunny, and they're causing the moon to fall. Link shouldn't be fighting through countless legions of monsters to do some stupid task. He should slaughter those **** bunnies.

Do your part. If you see a wild bunny, beat it with a rock until it doesn't move anymore. You never know when the bunnies will go take your name, kill you, and your immediate family.

Ultima9999 (I've got a banana! Would you like to see my banana? Pretty pretty banana.)

[Editor's Note: As always, the opinions expressed by Hyrule: The Land of Zelda staff members are not necessarily those of IZC staffers and their lackeys. Murdering rabbits is not high on our list of illegal things to do in your spare time. We're not saying you CAN'T go slaughter innocent bunny rabbits...we're just warning you not to let PETA hear about it...]