Time Travel Paradoxes

By Maniacal Clown

For years the human species has dreamed of traveling through time. We feel that, if only we had another chance, we could make things right, prevent a loved one from dying, or just have a little fun and meet your self. The only problem is that we view time as a river flowing in only one direction. And thatís why time travel in Zelda 64 doesnít quite work.

The main problem is this. When Link travels back in time, he becomes young again. That would never happen. He would, in fact, remain his same age but out of place in the timeline. He would also have the opportunity to meet himself. This would be a whole lot of fun, but would completely ruin the story line. So, of course, Nintendo left it out. What we get instead is this crazy reasoning that this magical sword has the power to make him young or old. However, it wasnít his original taking of the Master Sword that aged him. He was sealed in the sacred realm for seven years. The question becomes, why canít the master sword put these seven years onto his life in the first place? It just doesnít make sense. Itís a time travel paradox, and it gives me a headache...

Letís imagine, for a moment, that you remained seventeen after replacing the Master Sword. First of all, you would still be able to use Biggoronís sword, so that first Iron Knuckle in the Spirit Temple wouldnít be amazingly hard the first time. On second thought, you wouldnít be able to get there in the Spirit Temple in the first place. In that case, Link would probably run off with Nabooru right then and there, and Ganondorf would rule the world. Not a good thing even if it is a much more interesting ending. Anyone got some Tylenol?...

The other problem with time travel in OoT is learning about doing things before you actually go back in time and do them. As all Star Trek fans know, the U.S.S Enterprise didnít cease to exist until AFTER McCoy went threw the Guardian of Forever. If it had happened before, he never would have been able to go through in the first place. Throw this paradox into Zelda 64. Link is told by the windmill guy about a song he played seven years ago, and then you go back in time and play it. Impossible. Link would have to go back in time and play the song before the windmill guy can teach it to him. Unfortunately, you canít play it without learning it first so they have to do it that way. Ouch, my brain exploded...

Once again, imagine what it would be like if the windmill guy didnít teach you the Song of Storms. Because he wouldnít be able to drain the well and obtain the Lens of Truth, Link would attempt the Shadow Temple without it. Unfortunately for him, he would fall at the very first part of the temple. Again, Ganondorf would rule the world. Still not a good thing, but still much more interesting. I could use a damp compress...

As you can see, all these paradoxes make The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time strange, difficult to understand, and hard to follow. Kind of like a Sonic the Hedgehog plot on steroids. However, migraine sufferers will have to live with it. Because without the numerous time travel paradoxes, the blessed land of Din, Nayru, and Farore will become a dark place fit for habitation by only Justin Nichols. I think Iím going to go lie down...