Top Ten Reasons Ganon is a Loser

By Link

Many people say that Ganon (Ganondorf's pig form) is cool. Many people say he's a fat *** loser. Some are in between. If I asked whether or not you think Ganon is a fat *** loser, raise your hand if you do think that. Good. Now raise your hand if you don't think that Ganon is a fat *** loser. Okay, so I have x (Let x be the number of people raising their hands) number of people. Now raise your hand if you're in between the pro and con people. Now for the top ten reasons Ganon is a fat *** loser:

1. He goes to the trouble of stealing the Triforce, taking Zelda, killing Link's Uncle, and becoming the dictator of Hyrule, only to be killed by Link.
2. You'd think he'd learn by now that kidnapping Zelda isn't a good strategy.
3. He needs to fix that huge hole in his pyramid roof.
4. What is he, carrying two swords, a samurai?
5. He fears the Hormel company is after him to make a new batch of Spam.
6. How scary is a giant pig?
7. He rules a world full of freakish creatures, demons, monsters, and mimes.
8. Some people are allergic to grass, pollen, cats, and dairy products. Ganon is allergic to light arrows and silver arrows. Go figure.
9. He has nightmares of Link killing him and then Link, Zelda, and the sages all have bacon for breakfast, from Ganon's damn corpse.
10. No matter how many times you cut him, shoot him, rip him, gouge him, or just plain slay him, he'll be back in the next game (He's actually Kenny (You know, from South Park)). :-)

Those are the top ten reasons Ganon is a fat *** loser. Have fun with it. Arse! Arse!! ARSE!!! (To all British people reading this, that should be aahse, not arse.